I found a list of the
13 Things Mentally Strong People Avoid Doing on Forbes. It was compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and
licensed clinical social worker, that
she shared in LifeHack, along with the contributor's notes and it really struck a cord with me. So many of these are things that I do constantly. Reading the list reinforced my resolution to stop thinking and doing them.
1. Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You
don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances
or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to
take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an
inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair.
They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness
and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly,
they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply,
“Next!”
2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving
others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they
are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength
is in their ability to manage the way they respond.
3. Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people
embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they
have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and
stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a
mentally strong person and bring out their best.
4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about
other people,
as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their
control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can
always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these
attributes well.
5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to
dis-please
others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position
is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and
to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They
are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and
will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.
6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is
willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely
than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an
individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully
assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before
they take action.
7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the
past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past
experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their
mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory
days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an
optimal present and future.
8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the
definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again
and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve
gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for
past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes.
Research shows
that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive
way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful
executives and entrepreneurs.
9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of
character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success.
Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or
resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on
what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their
own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.
10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to
improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their
early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people
are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the
learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their
ultimate goals.
11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even
treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect,
to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on
others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with
others, and they can also be happy alone.
12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the
current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the
realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits
package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and
schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and
succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.
13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a
nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are
“in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate
results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they
celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have
“staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do
you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more
of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities
further in each of these areas today. How about you?
